Why I'm Voting Democrat

I’m voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending MY MONEY than I would. I think when you spread the wealth around it is good for everybody! It’s Patriotic!

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. All profits are evil and should be confiscated for Government Redistribution.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that MORE Government regulations and higher taxes on Business will stop Business from exporting their jobs to Countries with LESS Government regulations and lower taxes.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe terrorists should be allowed to have trials in American courts. And be able to subpoena top secret documents, soldiers, government officials, etc. to cross examine for their defense. They should have ACLU lawyers who can help intimidate Americans who serve on the juries!

I’m voting Democrat because I believe Gay Marriage should be the law of the land and will probably produce better children.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe English should not be the official language of the United States. I don’t mind pushing one for English when I use the phone.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe partial birth abortion is okay but water boarding a terrorist is disgusting.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe having a domestic terrorist like Bill Ayers as a close friend is a good thing. It allows for great relations with foreign terrorists.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe in a FREE government health care system. I believe doctors, nurses, hospitals, drug companies, etc. will gladly donate their time, products, services, facilities, etc. for FREE and that will be a better system.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe in and support trial lawyers, frivolous lawsuits and outrageous jury verdicts.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe 9/11 was an inside job to con the American people to go to war for oil.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe social security is solvent and that there is a social security lock box and I don’t believe social security is a Ponzi scheme.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe MOST AMERICANS are bitter and cling to their guns and religion. Let’s rid our country of guns and religion!

I’m voting Democrat because I believe illegal aliens deserve all the rights of ordinary Americans plus some additional rights Americans do not have.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe corporations should pay higher taxes! I believe higher taxes on business will make the price of their products and services LESS EXPENSIVE.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe groups like ACORN who register felons, drug addicts, wino’s, homeless drifters, illegal aliens, dead people, children, fictional Disney characters, etc. makes my vote count more.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe celebrating the winter solstice shows compassion for the small minority of people that do not celebrate Christmas.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe hard core criminal murders and rapists deserve life and that the innocent unborn deserve death. It’s a choice I can live with.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe Bush caused Hurricane Katrina and he blew-up the levies in the ninth ward of New Orleans.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that any one who is not partaking in one of the many wonderful government programs obviously has too much money and should pay higher taxes.

I’m voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq the terrorists will be happy and now think of us as good people.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe our soldiers are AIR RAIDING villages and killing innocent people.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe sex in the Oval Office with an intern is a private matter and that everybody lies under oath about sex.

I’m votin Demokrat becuse I wus edumkated at a publick sckrool. I lik da Natsionel Edukatshun Assoseeashun!

I’m voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as it does not offend people. Can’t we all just get along?

I’m voting Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits are wrong. I believe higher taxes on oil companies will produce lower prices at the pump.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe we need to rid ourselves of dependency on foreign oil, BUT I AM AGAINST offshore drilling for oil and natural gas, drilling in Anwar, building nuclear power plants and clean coal technology.

And finally, I’m voting Democrat because I believe Reverend Wright when he said “GODDAMN AMERICA” and “OUR CHICKENS ARE COMING HOME TO ROOST”. Hey let’s make a comfortable nest for those chickens!

Why are you voting Democrat?

[Yes, I'm being sarcastic!]