As you know, a week ago shortly after midnight turned the day into Saturday morning (Saturday 09/03/05), I lost my buff colored Cocker Spaniel, Crockett, to a hit and run. I have been in mourning all week. The grief will continue throughout the rest of my life, because I loved Crockett with every beat of my heart. Now, his memory is inside my heart, even though he's not also sitting next to me, as he usually was when I was on the computer.
What's the 'proper' length of time to mourn a much beloved dog? A week? Two? A month? Six? A year? Three? Mourning is the outward expression of grief. Grief is the inward sadness over an irreplaceable loss. And Crockett is irreplaceable. I toyed with the idea of getting a new dog or fostering an evacuee-dog from Hurricane Katrina. But my Casey-girl, my 'best mate,' is deserving of better from me. She too mourns the loss of "her" puppy. She shows signs that she misses "her" Crockett, too.
Casey got her shots Friday and I told our Veterinarian about Crockett. He was nearly in tears to learn about Crockett's death. Everyone loved Crockett.
But let me start my story (which will explain the title of this piece): My friends, N.W. and K.W., decided to have a yard sale. They had chosen today and I was invited to participate. I was also invited to spend Friday night at their lovely home. Casey was invited to stay in the bedroom with me. I would have been fine at home. I spent last Saturday, after the tragedy, at home, alone. But, maybe my friends were right, that I didn't need to be alone on a Friday night/Saturday morning just one week removed from tragedy. So I stayed the night.
My friends have a beautiful home and a very nice log cabin on over 13 acres of wooded property set far back from any main road. Just driving down the gravel road, one begins to feel the worries and cares of the day slowly lift from one's shoulders. It is very peaceful, very tranquil, back in the woods. It was where I needed to be one week past tragedy.
Ever be so peaceful in a place that leaving it is nearly a shock to your senses? I felt that "unnatural shock" driving home late this afternoon. Traffic? Too much traffic. People? Too many people. Young man raising money to aid Katrina victims? Give him some of your Yard Sale earnings. Home? Oh but the phone rings and a friend wants to treat you to supper. Bring a few bites home to Casey. Run to the computer. It is calmer here, but traffic noise overrides the songs of the natural world. Katydids and frogs. And where are the pileated woodpeckers I heard at my friends' home?
I miss the "sea of tranquility" where I landed for too short a time. I look forward to returning, not just to visit Crockett's gravesite, but to enjoy the company of caring friends.
Having the ability to love much brings with it the burden of suffering should one lose the object of that love. Whether it is a dog or a child or a parent or anything else in life, one must realize that in giving love, one risks suffering loss. Would it be better to steel oneself from all emotion, so as not to have to suffer from loss? No. And I feel sorry for those who don't feel a sense of pain when others are hurting. I feel sorry for those who treat animals as 'objects' rather than as part of the family.
And I feel very blessed to have friends who live near a tranquility base and where I can land on occasion and restore my sense of equilibrium.
No comments:
Post a Comment