Cheated -- I got cheated

I'm totally bummed on politics right now. There are a lot of things wrong with our system of Government. For one thing, it's gotten too big. Not just too big. It's gotten Gi-Normous and no one knows what's going on and no one is in control of all of it. We need to stop what we (the USofA) is doing and make some major corrections which will cause enormous to GI-normous uproar but will ultimately be good for the USofA by downsizing Federal Government and upsizing State Government. (my spell check says upsizing isn't a word -- HA -- must not be a States Rights spell check)

So I'm sitting here fooling around with the computer and listening to Country music and it hits me -- a thought hits me -- I've been cheated. Oh, I've had this mind-discussion with myself on other occasions, just not when I'm sitting in front of the computer and I can actually type out the words as quickly as I think them (yes, I think in 45 wpm spurts).

I've been cheated. When I was growing up, I must have read a few too many "Fairy Tales" about Prince Charming (or at least Prince Good Looking) coming to my rescue (from what I am not sure, from a life of celibacy? from life as an 'old maid'?), taking me on his white horse to his castle for a happily ever after ending.

Didn't happen. Needless to say. If it had, would I be typing this blog?

I met my false Prince at church. I thought he was the smartest person I'd ever met. But then, I failed to recall that I had an uncle who tested the highest IQ in the Army in WWII. My mother and father and I have IQs higher than his. But I was a dreamy eyed teen with a crush. And from there it lead to a pre-engagement my senior year of high school through first year of college and then a formal engagement my second year of college and then a wedding and marriage. But the trouble began prior to my ever meeting Prince (Kind-of-)Good Looking.

My false Prince had had a dysfunctional upbringing. Oh, his parents were married, but his was an untimely birth and he never developed a close relationship with his mother or father. His father died when he was 21. He never got to have an adult relationship with his own Dad. In his teen years, because he didn't have the nurturing he needed from his mother, he looked for it elsewhere, He developed friendly relationships with women his mother's age. He would listen while they talked.

He went to Prep School for Seminary, Junior College and Senior College, and then Seminary in St. Louis, MO. It was while he was a 3rd year student and a "student pastor" that I met him. And he morphed into Prince (Slightly) Good Looking. But his friendly relationships with older (even if slightly) women never abated. He carried it with him to his initial church the year before we married and beyond.

Now, my mistake, besides seeing what wasn't there in a Prince, was that I failed to get all four years of college completed before I got married (to him or someone else). So I'm not guiltless in cheating myself out of a true Prince and a happily ever after ending.

So we married, he continued to get his motherly nurturing from women, it went too far with at least one (maybe more, the wife's the last to know) and he decided he didn't want to be (Okay Looking) Prince with two children after about 8 years of marriage.

So, this Princess and her progeny loaded up the chariot and moved South. (See the "about me" info in frame on right side of this blog.)

And I got cheated. I have never had a man love me more than anything like they sing about in Country songs. I've never had a favorite song to remind me of a man who loves me. I did have a "yellow butterfly means I'm thinking of you" but now I wonder how many of his women were also being thought of when he saw a yellow butterfly. I hear the Country music love songs and I feel cheated. Where's the man who loves me? Where's the man who gives up his job to follow me to my new job? Where's the man who says he'd do it all again because our love has been so wonderful?

I tried to date early in my divorce but the guys just wanted an intimacy I wasn't ready to give anyone that soon. Then when I was about to turn 40, I didn't want to be "forty and divorced" and I married a man (not any kind of Prince and not even a worthy Frog) I should have just had an affair with. Three months later I was "forty and twice divorced." But then, point 9mm at my heart and I'll give you a divorce as fast as humanly possible.

So, I got cheated and I cheated myself twice. I won't go into the third time, it was a stupid mistake to think I could emotionally handle an affair (see above paragraph - should have buried any thoughts of affairs after what the second marriage did to create fear of men). Some people can handle affairs. I can't.

So, now I'm heading into middle sixties and no longer look like a Princess. But, I still want Prince Charming and a white horse to rescue me from a life of never being in a Country love song.


[photos quiz.ivillage.com and peace-files.com and thinktoys.com.au]