Crockett's memory is always with me. He lives within my heart and occupies a large portion of my mind. I miss him. Every Friday, where ever I am, and especially if I'm driving down the highway to visit my cousin or my best friend or attend Mass, I am reminded of that fateful Friday in September. And driving back home on the same road we took together the night he was run over brings back memories of that last ride. If only I'd known.
If only.
Sometimes I shed a tear or two. Sometimes I can stuff them back in. All the time, I just wish I could relive that day or wake up from this nightmare or have my Crockett back.
I'm writing this here, on the blog, knowing that my friends and my family may read it at some point in time. I write as a cathartic: so I can read it later and not cry when reading it because I'm crying as I write it.
Every Friday and Saturday I have this deep sense of loss that maybe time will heal. But I can't say for sure. Maybe in a year I'll read this and think some crazy thought about myself crying over the loss of a dog I'd only known 22 months.
But no. You don't think some crazy thought when you've lost a baby or a husband you've only known 22 months. Crockett was the love of my life. I can't explain it. He was both my baby and my boyfriend. And it'll take more than a few months for the sense of emptiness I feel on Fridays and Saturdays to hurt less.
If it ever does. My friend, Jennifer, has lost dogs and she says you always mourn them when you've loved them as fiercely as I loved Crockett.
Always. I love Crockett always. And I miss him so very much. And always.
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1 comment:
I can sympathize whole-heartedly with you. This year my beloved mini-doxie, Murphy, died on April 29th. I had him since he was six weeks old. He was totally loyal to me. He was MY dog. I was blessed with thirteen glorious years with Murphy. Less than a week later, my Chow, Buck, died. He was a gentle soul who loved everyone. He was 14 years old. I, too, still cry over my losses, but especially because I miss my Murphy so very very much. Although I have three other doxies, no other dog will ever replace Murphy in my heart. He is my guardian dog in Heaven, but I know that he is taking care of my Grandmother. (Her maiden name was Murphy and she doted over Murph!) They are in heaven watching over me, as well as my mother, who died in January of this year. They say death comes in threes.....I lost Mother, Murphy and Buck this year, so I hope that is the end of my losses for the year. It has been an extremely hard year for me with all the death. No one or no "thing" can ever replace Murphy in my heart. He was and still is my soul mate! He loved me as I loved him.....unconditionally!
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